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November 6th, 2004
09:01 pm - Back.
Had worship practice today, learnt more bass lines.
Today's worship prac was totally awesome cause not only did we jam in unison, we jammed with the spirit of the Lord infused in our music and there we were playing and worshipping Him as a band. That was just so different! I loved 'We wanna see Jesus lifted high'; i guess that was really the pinnacle. The bass line was like, G-C-D-C... and we just jazzed it up and made it really funky. Jerry and shern way took the drums, and joel, alicia & jkhor strutted their stuff on the keyboards... rena took vocals with errol, who was also guitarin with both Jons. We like, lost our beats a couple of times, and there were instances where we just took things into our own hands and went completely off track.. but Grace be to God for we managed to get our rhythms right and resonate the halls with His praises!
Gotta continue brushing up on my plucking... errol mentioned that it got too metallic a couple of times. other than that, i feel that today's session was a good improvement. Rhythmic sense has progressed significantly and the improvisation is finally there. My bass is working out fine for me and im really glad that i purchased it...
After that i hopped over to queensway with my parents to get some sports gear...this venture proved to be a success and i managed to get some dri-fit stuffs for fantastic prices! Plus this rad sweater as well. Also for an affordable price... Also procured a dampener; my wilson one has got this fine little crack. a couple of hits and trouble ensues!
Will continue to have faith and believe in Him (hebrews11)... God bless!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/smile.gif) thankful
Current Music: Mental bass lines!
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October 23rd, 2004
10:04 am
Don't cry, cry, cry
Lean on Me
Close your eyes
Listen to the angels singing tonight
So life is confusing
Dreams are just fallin'
Troubles aint't ceasin'
you ain't finding your way
Life's so frustratin'
The Sun isn't shining
They're taking your joy away
Don't cry, cry, cry
Lean on Me
Close your eyes
Listen to the angels singing tonight
Don't cry, cry, cry
Stay with me
Underneath this starry sky
So don't cry
Yeah, Just you and I
Why do isee the tears
why are you fighting your fears
Alone
Don't cry, cry, cry
Lean on Me
Close your eyes
Listen to the angels singing tonight
Don't cry, cry, cry
Stay with me
Underneath this starry sky
So don't cry
Yeah, Just you and I
Just you and I
Current Music: just you and I, by NB
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October 15th, 2004
10:10 pm - Another.
And Praise God for tiding me thru Math finals... im satisfied with my results... and im confident that it bodes well.. =)
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08:29 pm - Offloaded.
The dust has settled, and the light has shone again. The curtains closed on Sec4 Farewell, and im relieved that what was trying and nearly calamitous is finally over. Hiccups, by far, were few, and the procedural order of things turned out well. Maumu was satisfied, and im glad that we can all look back at this event without wistfulness.
There's still Open House tomorrow, and the councillors have to report at an unheavenly hour. But that doesn't really bother me now. I have decided to devote the hols to learning the skills from Errol, and henceforth my Saturdays will be spent together with the worship team at church. =)
i have realised that some people have characters and attitudes which are less than desirable, and sometimes the irrelevant comments that these people make really irk me to the core. and these people dont seem to understand the importance of having getting rid of their obnoxious inclinations. But i guess we can't have it all, and hopefully time will mold their inner man.And i pray they will learn to become better people each day. I mean, it's not just these guys... but even myself, and everyone else. We've gotta keep on upgrading our inner selves, keep on reflecting on our behaviours, and personally for myself, to keep on allowing the Lord to mould me as a potter to his clay. and life and living will reach its designated purposes and fulfilments.
That's all for now.. God Bless!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/tired.gif) ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Current Music: Whirring blades of the fan.
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October 12th, 2004
01:21 pm
Homefree after Oral Defence on Thursday.. .mmhm.
Hope to obtain my As for Math and Science... it isn't unattainable; though i'm not like, brimming with confidence, i know that my CPs have substantiated me. And whatever grades fall upon me i'll be thankful that the Lord has led me through.
Choices. I'm still praying about my area of ministry. And i believe that when i follow His paths, things will come to fruition.
I haven't composed anything for months... i'm on dry spells and most of time things are just so incomplete. Even poetry has eluded me recently. I like certain chord cycles but when i start strumming them the feel just isn't present anymore. Guess i should go on a hiatus.
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October 10th, 2004
04:39 pm
Praise God.. the party went well and my aunty was very understanding =)
I had a brief conversation with Uncle Jem today with regards to serving the ministry. I have to make a choice between ministering in the kids' cell or joining the new worship team. And this is frustrating me greatly. I have a very, very strong passion towards music, and serving in that ministry for the youth... earlier this year when i dropped out of the team(keyboards) it was extremely painful. If anything, i know very clearly that this is where i want to serve God. I might most probably learn the bass guitar from Errol if i do participate in the music ministry; however this means that i have to commit saturday afternoons for lessons and band pracs... and i live quite a distance away from church. I can definitely make it there on my own. However, i'm just so afraid that academic commitments and other scholastic things might coincide with this. And this will certainly hamper the learning process. It will be very, very irresponsible of me if I make a choice and don't fulfil it. Church has a significant lack of bassists, and in the coming years this might prove to be an unsettling problem. Children's Church: I re-joined 1 or 2 months back, and now im second thoughts on opting out. again. The thing about CC is, it is during the course of second service, which means that i will most probably hitch a ride from my church friends. Uncle Jem even offered to send me home. Yet to me i can't have the best of both worlds; to that i'm wistful.
Whatever the case, I will firstly commit this to prayer and choose the path of service that God wants. For i will honour Him, and my parents, in all i do. I know that i have a bias towards the music ministry. However if the Lord directs me elsewhere i will follow. I know that it is a path uniquely and perfectly structured for each and everyone of us, and i don't want to make the mistake of following what my mind tells me to do. I've just to keep on trusting in Him... and believing that my high calling will come to pass. If the Lord wants me in the music ministry, i shall follow. It means that i have to work doubly hard during weekends, but to me i know that my God will provide. And i can stand as a living testimony to that. If the Lord wants me to stay in Children's Church, i will. If He knows that CC is the place where he can fully maximize my spiritual potentials, if he knows that CC is the place which will allow Him to best use me as a vessel of faith, i will stay.
I will leave these choices to Him, for He knows best. In the meantime, i shall keep the focus on my finals first. Whatever the case, i know that He will be there for me, and i trust in His judgements and in His Word.
I will walk by faith...
Current Mood: peaceful
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October 9th, 2004
05:17 pm - Caught. In One Heckuva Fix.
Now the problem is, I did not attend my little cousin's birthday party a couple of days ago due to a persistent inflammation of the throat and incessant noises emitting from my lungs. Yes i had a cough and it wouldnt be nice spreading the virus to my relatives.
Yet as i litanise this situation im prepping up to go for my church friend's party. The inflammation has subsided greatly, thus it will not be morally erroneous if i do go for this party. However my aforementioned aunt and cousin also got the invite! And i'm feeling really bad because whilst im prepping to go for this party, i did not attend my cousin's.
I dont know if my reasons are substantial. After all, my church friend's party has been placed on a date which is of an even nearer distance away from my finals. I dont want my aunt to think that i value my church friends above them. That is DEFINITELY not the case... i love all of them. However i want to go for this party as i do need a breather from my work as well. If this whole thing culminates into unhappiness on my aunt's part then im gonna feel very, very, uneasy.
I dont want to imagine how the whole thing's gonna turn out. I mean, i hope she understands... i dont want to start delving into the minutiae, explaining everything and messing it up in the process.
And for some inexplicable reason im churning with guilt; even though i know that my reasons stand firm for not attending the prior party.
.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif) gloomy
Current Music: Sarah Mclachlan- Angel
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October 6th, 2004
10:15 am - hm.
Sometimes we try to deceive ourselves into thinking that we can easily erase the marks that have been on our hearts. But time and again these have proven to be indelible memories. The more you resist thinking about a person the more your your mind becomes engulfed with images of the person. The more you delude yourself by convincing, persuading yourself to believe that the person is but a fragment of your history, the more you want to build your future on the person. We'll try to switch the focus, turn the handles and rewind the gears. We'll try. Really hard. But these are futile attempts at drowning away what's already part of us. We can't let go of everything, not because we can't, but because we don't want to.
Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.
"To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die."
~Thomas Campbell
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/thinking.gif) thoughtful
Current Music: A cacophony of chatterings and random tunes in the lab
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October 3rd, 2004
04:17 pm
Oh goodness i almost died laughing reading this... =D
(Babel Fish Translation of my Chinese Gong Han)
The invitation holds the post of "the national middle school article reads aloud the competition"
The judgment This academic society in order to raise the students Chinese proficiency, as well as causes the students to have the strong interest to Chinese, specific with December 12 (Saturday), 4 PM of vacations this academic society play center hold "the national middle school article reads aloud the competition". The schoolmates by the grade grouping, each group altogether will have ten participants. The participant may choose reads aloud any Chinese article, but they must read in four minutes theirs work. The competition divides into the intermediary heat, the semi-final, the finals as well as the big finals. This academic society element heard you write the book is extremely high in the local each bookstore's sales volume, and experiences personally the middle school student's affection, specially requests earnestly you same day to hold the post of "the national middle school article reads aloud the competition" the judgment. Earnestly looks you to accept this academic society the invitation. If Mongolia 俯允, please find time before October 25 the kindly reply. 先此 expresses thanks. Secretary Zhang Zhizhong opens On October 2, 2004.
oh crap the mongolia part's just too hilarious...
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October 2nd, 2004
10:48 pm
I'm still down with a cough, but going strong in the spirit. :)
Reflections. Reflecting, wondering about the facets of life, pondering over issues, or thinking of people that impact our lives. Sometimes i find myself exceedingly caught up in this. Not that it is a detrimental thing, but on the contrary, a process which helps me to understand myself better.
It has evolved into a really natural phenomena. For myself. It's... simply so ongoing that i feel as if the gears of time have, all of a sudden, come to a pause to allow me to think. I find myself staring(just staring, not staring blankly;p)at those white-washed ceilings, or up and above at the clouds. Or even the really fantastic greenery a distance away from my abode. I start playing these little images in my head; shots of what have happened throughout the day, and with that, my own emotions overflow. i put pieces together, analyse both the behaviour of my counterparts and my own. It's something really unique, or rather, incomprehensible. I can get so caught up in such a thought process that it can easily cause me to digress form tasks at hand, such as work. I embark on a mental excursus of reflection, and, more often than not, lose the focus.
These things do have tremendous effects. They hone, they refine, they educate.
They allow a person to explore his depths. And they ignite the sparks of question. they ignite these little sparks of curiosity. I start asking myself so many thing; the what-ifs and the whys. I believe that we must know oursleves before we can attempt to understand others. A person cannot persist in grappling with his emotions, but rather, comprehend them, and comprehend himself. This process also teaches us to recognise our transgressions. The wrongs we have done, or even the unspoken judgements that are sinful in themselves. I start to realise all these, and they begin to increase in clarity. Sometimes these thoughts are also transferred on others; i will wonder what they are preoccupied with, or whether they have met with problems they have found insurmountable. I start feeling really concerned for the people closest to my heart.
We have to find time for soul-searching. Sometimes it is through these processes that we begin to see the light. These reflections build us, and never should they be used to tear others down, but instead, help us to refrain from judging others.
"Such as are thy habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of thy soul-for the soul is dyed by the thoughts. Dye it then, with a continuous series of such thoughts as these-that where a man can live, there if he will, he can also live well" - Marcus Antonius
God Bless u all!
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September 29th, 2004
04:30 pm - Substance | Identity
So... things are progressing as planned. Mugging for math and science.
The "real" us. This is an issue that seems intriguing at times, yet it veers towards the domains of the disturbed. Masks... the common tool we all employ to project untrue images of ourselves. It's simply so evident amongst some of my acquaintances, especially in school. I have this habit of making constant observations of others, and time and again it reminds me how people possess so many variations of their characters. Or even the most simplistic, human inclination to experience emotions- such feelings are kept within ourselves, and more often than not, we are not who we are; rather what others want us to be. To me it's just a form of self-delusion. There was never a need to pretend, yet it is so ironic that in our attempt to show the underlying identity, we end up adding yet another layer of disguise.
It is not just a struggle with who we are. But rather, we should attempt to discover what we are made of. If anything, a person's character will overshadow the ambits of exterior appearance, academic abilities, physical fitness, etc. Albeit the fact that these may determine our popularity amongst our peers, it is the inner you that truly outlines what kind if person you are. These things mould us daily, and perhaps personalities will waver and change as time moves on. However we cannot ourselves to lunge into deception- to try to think that, as long as we meet Man's expectations of us, that indicates that our characters are therefore well established. This is not the case. We don't live for Man; We don't live to exonerate others just to obtain their favour. Many a time we are all dressed in nice little clothes that we 'force-fit.' Yes, because they look good on us and thus we will gain acceptance. But this will not last. Sometimes I do wonder how it is humanly possible to hide behind our facades for the entirety of our lives.
The whole 'cool' issue can also be highly baffling. People just want to break the rules because they deem that as true courage and mettle. There sin't anything wrong with desiring for change- however there must be valid reasons behind this. Yet some people just cannot curb the neurotic need to go against the laws; apparently they will metamorphasise from the has-beens to the trend kings. Of course, personally, i am a dreamer. And i do tend to drift off into these realms, sometimes losing the necessary tinge of realism. I even feel that everyone is innately a dreamer, such that we project these ideal situations and the like, daring to aim for sky. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. But this is not an excuse for acting like we're really 'cool' and doing things which betray who we are. Self-betrayal; such emotional machination is deplorable. We've gotta be ourselves. That's the bottomline, the crux of this whole issue which seems abstruse. Yet the answer is already present; it is, at the end of the day, dependant on us to shed off the skins and let our lives reflect who we really are.
On a personal note, i have to admit that there have been times i which i have been completely ingenuine. The Artifical me. And yes i've had moments of self-betrayal as well. But it is very important to me that i shake off these habits, returning to who i really am. For myself, i live for God, not for Man. To me, the Flesh is deceptively pleasurable; And i know for certain that what my Lord has planned for me far outweighs what the world has to offer. And thus speaking, i will not strive to grab hold of Man's treasures. I will instead devote this verve to fulfil the purposes and high callings set for me, and continue to trust in His Word.
Just be Yourself.
Current Mood: thoughtful
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September 27th, 2004
09:50 pm - .
caught up with studying and all... mugging away for my finals. Gonna run this race with my God.
Isn't it funny? how the things you love with all your heart sadden you as well. Music. Poetry. Perhaps such an irony differs for everyone...
Just hope the exams breeze by. We're gonna start jammin' during the hols.. mmhm. with the other pple... and i can finally get started on the bass. yea. serve God, love God. Can't wait to see the entire ministry risin' up...
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September 19th, 2004
09:40 pm
Managed to get my math and chinese revision done.. praise God. as for history, i dont think it can rushed for completion. mmhm. im doing one of the last segments; cant get it on paper if i dotn receive the previous components, which my friends were supposed to have taken care of... mm.
went for church in the morning... had combined service today. we are having a missions' month. worship was great... was praying with two other friends for the brethren in Malaysia. And the Lord just impressed alot of thoughts on me.. it made me realise that as much as the Christians in muslim-based countries have to dare to rise up, even us people here also have to live a life which reflects God's worth... many a time we fall pray to the deceptions of sin. However it is the believer that repents who will truly walk the road with God... I'm placing my faith in Him. Especially in school.. where more often than not the things of the world overshadow Him. And that's where i gotta keep on workin on.. If anything, people know that i am strongly rooted into my beliefs in the Lord.. and all the more I will be a living testimony, rather than reflect what the world wants and stumble others.
God Bless...
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding; In all thy ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."- Proverbs 3:5-6
Let's cast those worries aside and hold on steadfastly to His Word...
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September 18th, 2004
02:52 pm
ooooh... Dawn won the LeeTzuPheng Award! Ah! I didnt know that... on the papers today. yay. Just finished that mountainload of mathematics homework. Left with some hist stuff and CL revision.mmhm. gotta work on deciding e topic for lit seminar as well. Don't think i'll be taking any breaks yet. but hey, for u guys out there, do get ample rest, and drink gallons of water!
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September 17th, 2004
08:06 pm - whee.
Hey there. Requested for a math consultation with lee teck kong yesterday... mmhm. If i wanna pick up on my grades i've gotta have the initiative.. yeah.I wont be able to get away from math and all its ambits.. so hey, just gonna inject all my efforts into doing well in this. Yep. i dont expect anything exemplary, though i know that i can make the grade. I believe that the Lord will tide me thru. =)
Today. PE didnt begin well. We did this run to improve our cardiovascular stuffs. heh. was lagging quite a bit, though i managed to gain a couple of spurts and catch up at the end. yepp. The workload for this weekend is insane. All those unfinished math worksheets coupled with revision for this chinese test which requires us to memorise multitudinous chinese characters, their meanings, and how they can be applied conventionally. Things are getting heavier indeed, though im glad that i do not have any outstanding commitments ahead. Of course, iSpark Sec4 Farewell is at hand, though the invite i created was well-received by maumu. I expect that to turn out so well. mmhm...no worries in pertinence to that.
Lit Seminar! I was supposed to be grouped together with ryanchan and ongzhiyang. Cheng was discussing what topic we could choose to work on. I was really keen on a presentation which would involve muscality and the like.. though the other two were not really eager bout that. So Hee asked me if i had the desire to join his group, which also includes greg. Like, i couldnt pass up that opportunity. Apparently they may be working on stuff regarding Apple ads. Really intriguing. Though im rather certain that the possibilities of including a song or two are minimal. Heh. Gonna discuss it online later.
Oooh yesyes. A poem. Enjoy, and God Bless!
[To Speak]
The Angel-breath mortal,
For Whose wings clipped
Took Life,
out of Life itself;
Gave Life,
to what was dead.
The Heavenly Eden,
Where what had been blind
could open to see.
Night Slept
to the sounds of her hymns.
The children
caught, entranced by the
distant harmonies.
Beauty abide,
True beauty the deceiver;
True beauty the lover.
Thus she will speak of beauty.
For that was what she knew.
Byee.
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08:55 am - Low-point.
Just really, really down... I've been thinking so much about the future.. about what i want to be, what kind of profession i should take on. It's just all so confusing and messy. I want to be a musician. I want to pursue the ambits of music.. simple as that. but the financial part of this just isn't substantial... i will indeed pick a route which ensures my satisfaction, though for the monetary bit, i won't just take on a job because it provides a five figure sum.
I'm definitely inclined to humanities. What's ahead? Law? I predict so.. i guess i'll go into corporate law. But the real desire of mine burns for music, and my tennis. In all honesty, i do not wish to continue my tenure in my school. But what are the alternatives? Everything has its restrictions and its boundaries... and i cant risk crossing the lines. Music is not largely appreciated here, and the space for development is so miniscule. My nights have been really disturbed by all these thoughts. Pondering about decision after decision.. it's really tiring. I mean, people may say that it's really early now, ho-hum thus and that, but hey, it will concern me in the long run. I've got to figure what i want.. and of course, what the Lord wants... Prayin about this.
I just wish could skip out of my school and hitch on to a music school or something... but pragmatically speaking, how plausible will that be? And what are the guarantees i can place on my future? It's really tough. Math and science lessons in school are getting beyond me. Way beyond me. I'm struggling and underperforming.... a gargantuan amount of painful worksheets i have yet to complete; and i have to nail many a concept. Just wish they could away with these two subjects...
I will definitely drop my commitments with effect from 2005. I am contemplating about the Council issue; but as far as i am concerned, i will step out of that. Orion too. I need all this time for the ministry.. it is my desire to serve in the worship ministry again... and i also have children's church to juggle. These i put ahead of school commitments. Of course, i will still strive in my work, nonetheless. That's it.. music and the Lord should take precedence. But i have to be careful not to over-commit to that either. And i will carve these down as my prayer items, and walk the paths that the Lord has set for me, not what i have ordained for myself... mmhm. God Bless all of You, especially while you guys are prepping up for your EOYs...
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September 13th, 2004
09:26 pm - interesting.
haha.... leo's prom queen! and zheangshoon's quarterback.heh. kinda weird when u picture that yah. karen's theatre geek! =D
galven the lunch lady. man.. they got evrything wrong.
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September 11th, 2004
09:52 pm - finality.
The hols are coming to a close. And i can sense my own poignance.But i'm just glad that the Lord has given me this oppotunity to get away from it all, and receive ample rest. I'm done with all my hols hmwork, though the only other thing that has got my hands full is the iSpark Sec4 Farewell 2004. I've gotta prep myself for whatever's ahead. Term 4. Math and Science. My banes, undoubtedly, though i guess i'm too hard-headed to be disheartened by failures. true enough, many a time i've been disillusioned, but somehow it never really gets to me. Praise God that He has seen me through these storms. Things are really rough up ahead. And i know that. But the road's always there, like it or not, and i'll take this path with the Lord...
Been printing put a couple of guitar tabs. "The Scientist" is really good. I've really gotta keep up on my Quiet Time... i've realised that on my own, weathering the fires has really ended up on a totally wrong side... but yet trusting in His Word empowers me... and this belief is simply unwavering.
Been struggling alot with physics.. i was never a science person. Yeah, same stuff goes for Math. I'm definitely aiming for the target boards of humanities... the ambits of the arts attract the most. Though it's sad that my love for music won't come to pass, looking at the prospects and seeing things from a more pragmatic perspective. I've always wanted to get myself completely devoted to music.. get into a music school, hone my musicality... and go out to the world armed with that. Dreams.
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September 8th, 2004
09:27 pm - yeah..
things have been.. as per normal. My Dad won a teaching award!!!!! =) that's cool. Wanna buy my bass! Thinking of a fernandes cos that looks good, though apparently Aria and Ovation are also handy... I've been printin out tabs for a couple of songs. Heh. stuff like.. more than words, love me ,i knew i loved you, lost in love... really melodious songs. and the lyrics are worthy. yupp! My council mentor has been giving me a hard time. He's just so... mood swing-ish, and he's the kinda person who will only remember your flaws but bury your good traits. Stuff that the Exco has done... i mean, of course we have our imperfections, but he is only willing to mark out our flaws, rather than criticize, yet appreciate our labours. Well... i'll do my part, and that's it. period. it is not worth toilin it out for people like that. But i have my responsibilities and i am driven to fulfil those. yup... GBU.
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September 6th, 2004
12:21 pm - mm.
A break. From many, many tiring things. I'm still down with the flu and my cough.. though my fever has thankfully subsided. Praise God. Well.. been getting some hols work done and stuff. I wanna buy a bass guitar soon, easier to facilitate my learning from Errol. Im definitely pursuing this one. Church lacks bassists, so im really all out to wanna serve the ministry in this area. And.. with some guitar background it will be much easier to learn. I've been playing some runs and stuff, learning tips and techniques online. I haven't touched my piano for quite awhile, think i'll practice later on. I'm still stuck as to whether to continue playin keyboards for worship... like, i dont know whether i can commit. and quite frankly i'd rather devote my time mastering the bass. Everything's been kinda fine, Praise God. Guitar's been good. My brother celebrated his birthday on Saturday. QUite a handful of his friends came as well, and i managed to click with some of them. One of them is even a CAPer! That's really cool.. Nicole was like, twice in council. And then there were people like Ashley and Nathaniel who were also guitarists. guitar-ed with ashley and learnt some stuff as well. My bro got quite a couple of funky gifts. Everything went really smooth... Praise the Lord. Bro's gonna enter NS soon. yikes. i'll be all alone next yr. yeah but i know that the Lord will guide him thru. As for myself.. yeah honestly i really wanna carve a career in music and the arts... tough, but im keeping my options open. I will do something which i love, not something which ensorcells me with its monetary gains.. k then, off to lunch!
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